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| It's like clockwork. Every two weeks it's something else. Last night, another attempted suicide. This time she knew I wasn't coming home to find her, so she called that asshole in Florida to tell him she took "100" of something because she didn't want to live any more.
The asshole then calls me to tell me he's called her neighbor to have them call 911 and to tell me the story. I then call her and she tells me she's taken "150" of something. "What did you take?" I asked. Turns out she took Diazepam again. Now, keep in mind that one month ago, a mere four weeks ago, she took an OD of Diazepam "attempting suicide" - at that time I took the remainder of the drugs and got rid of them. Turns out she got a refill on the Diazepam, didn't tell me, and was hiding it in her bedroom.
The rescue squad takes her to the same hospital she was in before. I call to speak to the nurse in charge of her and tell her that Mary's tried this just a month ago, and could they please, please get her a psychiatric evaluation this time? Seems that the attempt last month (complete with suicide note and everything) wasn't a grand enough gesture to warrant a psych eval. Maybe this time they'll do something. Probably not, though.
Anyway.
I'm done. I quit. I don't have the time nor the ability to cope with her anymore. My next step is to get a quit claim on the house, effectively removing my name from the title and telling her she's on her own. I can't help her. I've tried. If she doesn't want help, I'm not going to force the issue anymore. She's self-destructing of her own will.
I don't know. I have my own health to worry about. It's no coincidence that for the 18 years I wasn't in close proximity to her that I didn't have a kidney infection. She's been here 4 months - I've had two bad kidney infections. It's the stress.
What to do. What to do. | | |
| Grrrrr.... I hate bad customer service. Long rant:
On June 20th, I order products from nationalavsupply.com. Nothing on the site indicated a) that the product was out of stock and b) the product wasn't something they had, but something that was shipped directly from the manufacturer. Silly me for assuming that a) it was in stock and b) it was something they had, since they were selling it.
On June 28th, I called to find out WHY I hadn't received the items. I was told that it was out of stock. So I told them to cancel the order - and was promplty told that they couldn't cancel the order, because it had already shipped, but that they would contact me with a return authorization.
On July 5th, I called again to get the return authorization. The CSR, Dave, told me he'd have to look into it and would call me back.
I hear nothing from him.
Supposedly, the product was shipped on June 28th, which is why I couldn't cancel the order. If that's the case, why does the product not arrive until July 9th? And why does the UPS label have the ship date of July 7th? Hmmmm...
Yesterday I received and invoice / receipt from the company for the product - dated July 20th. On the bottom of the invoice it indicates that there will be a 15% restocking fee for any returned merchandise. So I call again, trying to get a return authorization from them and they tell me that it's now a 20% restocking fee, because I waited so long to return the item. Grrrr... So I ask to speak to a supervisor. Guess who I get to talk to again? Dave. When I go through the speil about the return, Dave asks who I spoke to back in June. And I say, "Dave" - his reply? "I'm the only Dave here. You didn't talk to me." - Now the game is on. He tries to tell me that there's no way they can rescind the 20% restocking fee because that's being imposed by the manufacturer, not their company. I told him that his company should eat the cost since I cancelled the order before it shipped - but he says no, they won't, because the order wasn't cancelled until the 5th, by which time it had shipped. But, keep in mind, that I called to cancel it on the 28th. Why do I know the dates so well? Because the items were needed for an event on the 29th. Grrrrr.
So "dave" calls me back this morning, after checking around some more on his end and oh, wait, what's this? The "dave" that I talked to originally WAS HIM. And he swears that I didn't call to cancel the order until the 5th, and that I am responsible for the 20% restocking fee. Grrrrr...
So - I told him that the invoice that I have from his company says "15%" and that at this point, I'd be more than happy just to pay that - but they need to cover the other 5%. He won't budge. It's not the money, it's the principal of it. The cost of the items isn't enough to justify spending the 20% restocking fee, plus shipping just so he can sit there and be smug. I'll keep the items, but I told him that I'd let everyone know not to shop from nationalavsupply.com - and that he could be happy knowing that he won the battle, but lost this customer. | | |
| [Tuesday, July 25, 2006: Yesterday I had a conversation with her regarding the migraines. I was telling her about a 24 year-old girl that I work with that suffers from debilitating migraines – that she’s on maintenance medication, but that she still works, plays soccer, volleyball, etc. And that it’s easy to tell when she has a migraine, because her eyes get all puffy. Well, today Mother calls to tell me that she has an incredibly bad migraine and that her face is all puffy. Funny, this has never been a symptom before. I think I’m going to tell her something like “did you know that 90% of migraine sufferer’s lose one or more toenails a year.” – something completely false and so absurd that would be so far removed from reality that if she ended up losing a toenail or two, it would prove that she’s a fraud.]
Now, on to further research. I recently read the book Playing Sick, by Marc D. Feldman, MD, subtitled “Untangling the Web of Munchausen Syndrome, Munchausen by Proxy, Malingering and Factitious Disorder.” This book has really confirmed for me most of my thoughts as regards to my mothers “illness.”
Various highlights:
P21. Deliberate Disease Forgery: 1 – exaggeration, such as the patient who claims to have devastating, incapacitating migraines but really has only occasional mild tension headaches; [her latest complaint for which she’s seen a doctor is debilitating migraines] 2 – False reports, as in the patient who groans about severe back pains but isn’t really having any pain at all [see above regarding multiple back surgeries] 3 – Falsifications of signs, such as the patient who alters a laboratory report, manipulates a thermometer or spoils a urine specimen so abnormalities appear [I have no proof of this] 4 – Simulations of Signs and/or symptoms, such as mimicking the symptoms of a brain tumor [again, no proof of this, but the “seizures” and telling people that she needs brains surgery to remove a tumor are pretty indicative] 5 – Dissimulations, which involve patients who conceal illnesses to allow them to progress before they seek medical attention [see above regarding “bronchitis”] 6 – Aggravations, such as rubbing dirt into a laceration from a spontaneous fall [I’ve seen massive picking at wounds and general irritation of wounds] and 7 – Self-induced signs or diseases, as in the patient who complains of fever and pain after actually inducing an infection by injecting herself with bacteria [again, no actual proof of this, just a suspicion].
P21. The individual’s reported symptoms may contain obvious inconsistencies with his or her behavior. …This disparity in presentation is illustrated by a person who acts in a confused, disoriented manner in the clinician’s office, but shortly after leaving, is observed by ward staff winning a brilliant game of chess. [She has been witnessed many times playing the invalid, as in while eating dinner, she’ll curl her hands like they’re spasmed and will behave as someone who can barely feed herself. As soon as she thinks she’s alone, the hands will relax, the gait will steady, almost to the point of hilarity, and she’ll be as normal as normal can be. Only when she thinks she’s being observed will the spasms and symptoms appear.]
This is just the tip of the iceberg. Skipping to page 210, Dr. Feldman has created a list of potential red flags as to aiding a Facticious Disorder diagonosis.
1. The signs and symptoms to not improve with medical treatment. There is continual escalation, or improvement is followed by relapse, or new complaints are elaborated – all in the service of keeping caregivers engaged. [See above regarding numerous back surgeries. The original diagnosis – as I remember – was fractured L4 vertebrae. The multiple surgeries / scars run the gamut from the pelvis to mid-back. Each time, the “pain” moved.]
2. The magnitude of symptoms consistently exceeds what is normal for the disease and/or there is proved medical dishonesty. [For her, a simple headache has always been a migraine. A simple cold always becomes bronchitis. A simple dizzy spell is a tumor, etc.]
3. The individual demands hospitalization and becomes more vociferous, even threatening, if doctors appear ambivalent or dissuaded. [Since moving to Ohio in March, she has been hospitalized twice (bronchitis that turned into pneumonia due to not taking prescribed antibiotics and a ‘suicide attempt’) and the rescue squad has been called 5 times.]
4. Some findings are determined to have been self-induced, or at least worsened through self-manipulation. [See #3 – most recently, Bronchitis that turned into pneumonia due to failure to take medication. Also, see above regarding “broken wrist” that never healed properly, due to refusal to wear brace.]
5. There are remarkable numbers of tests, consultations, and treatment efforts to no avail. [Just check the records. Since moving to Ohio in March, she has seen 7 different doctors. The amount of medical bills from different facilities, doctors is astounding. She never gets any better with any treatment. It’s been like this as long as I can remember. Multiple doctors, multiple treatments, multiple drugs… nothing ever works.]
6. The individual is unusually willing to consent to medical or surgical procedures, including painful and risky ones. [See above regarding multiple back surgeries, hysterectomy, removal of all teeth, multiple heart catheterizations.]
7. The individual disputes test results that do not support the presence of authentic disease.
8. The individual accurately predicts physical deteriorations.
9. The individual’s condition regularly worsens shortly before or after discharge from the hospital, emergency department, or doctor’s office. [Most recent hospitalization – suicide attempt – was fine and coherent, talking normally to the patient in the next bed when she didn’t know I was there to pick her up. As soon as I walked in the room, she became an almost invalid, talking with halted speech, shuffling as if off balance, etc.]
10. The individual “doctor shops” and has sought treatment at numerous facilities. [I have volumes of different doctor, hospital and clinic bills to this effect.]
11. The individual emerges as an inconsistent, selective, or misleading source of information. [When her husband passed away two years ago, I went down to Florida for the funeral, where I was confronted by an elder at her church, who relayed “Sorry about your mother. I understand she has Brain surgery scheduled soon.” – The stories change from epilepsy, brain tumor, and most recently, she told me she was diagnosed by Dr. Kunkle as having Dimentia and the onset of Alzheimer’s. ]
12. The individual refuses to allow the treatment team access to outside information sources, such as family members or other physicians.
13. There is a history of medical treatment for secondary problems, such as falls or traffic accidents, that creates the impression that the individual must be astonishingly unlucky. [i.e. She was “kicked by a llama”, “I fell down in WalMart”, “I fell down the stairs.” None of these incidents have ever happened when there were other people around.]
14. Deception is explicitly considered by at least one health care professional, if evidence merely by a brief chart entry. [I don’t know if it’s true, but she has told me that she was questioned upon the hospitalization for bronchitis, that a doctor asked her if she was hurting herself. I would like to think that someone was picking up on this, but I’m not prone to believe it.]
15. The individual does not follow treatment recommendations and/or is disruptive on the hospital unit or in the outpatient setting. [See above regarding treating the bronchitis. Or note that she has purposely NOT taken medication to the detriment of her health numerous times, knowing full-well the consequences.]
16. The individual focuses on his or her self-perceived “victimization” by medical personnel and others. [This is her life story. Everyone is out to get her. Life isn’t fair, etc. She’s the victim of sexual harassment, the victim of society, the victim of me not taking care of her, etc.]
17. There is consistent evidence from laboratory and other tests that disproves information supplied by the individual. [I have a report from one doctor that states that there is no medical basis for her seizures; that they are, in fact, “pseudo-seizures.” I’m sure this isn’t the only place that this has been noted.]
18. When suspicions arise or the patient feels challenged, he or she leaves the hospital or emergency department against medical advice. [She has refused treatment numerous times, signed out against orders, etc.]
19. The individual is socially isolated, receiving no visitors in the hospital. [I think that many of her friends over the years have just plain gotten tired of her antics. She doesn’t have any new friends in Ohio yet, because she has put herself in a position that she can’t get out of the house – she isn’t allowed to drive, due to her “seizures.”]
20. The idividual has had exposure to a model of the ailment they are falsifying. [The most recent and newest complaint of migraines, for example. My best friend was hospitalized a couple of months ago due to migraines. Mary’s ‘severe migraines’ started shortly after that.]
21. The individual engages in gratuitous lying, if not frank pseudologia fantastica. [See above regarding telling people she has a brain tumor. These stories also include that her step-father was a gunman for Al Capone (he wasn’t), that she has suffered a stroke – which caused her seizures, her seizures are caused by falling off a horse, that she’s written two books (which is possible, but there exists nothing to prove/disprove), that she was raped by 5 men, that she was raped by 2 policemen, etc. The stories go on and on. To the point that I once told her that “if you’re gonna lie, make sure you tell the same story to everyone.”]
22. Even while unceasingly pursuing medical/surgical intervention, the individual vigorously opposes psychiatric assessment and treatment. [She indicates that she’s seen a psychiatrist (I have no bills, statements, claims to support this) and that according to the psychiatrist she’s perfectly sane.]
23. During interviews, the individual makes statements to strengthen his or her case that nevertheless contradict the records. Alternatively, he or she fails to recall incriminating findings and events. [This one is most fascinating to me. She can recall every single slight that has ever happened to her, but is completely unable to answer anything other than “I don’t’ remember” when asked about anything negative that she’s ever said or done to anyone. Fascinating.]
24. There is evidence for external incentives for illness or incapacity. [She hasn’t had a job since 1983. She’s been on disability since then, for many different reasons. First it was the back injury. Then it was mental anguish due to sexual harassment. Now it’s the ‘brain injury.’ Over 20 years of not having to worry about a paycheck.]
25. There is evidence for internal incentives for illness or incapacity. [I’ve contended, since I was a child, that she is not happy unless she’s unhappy. She’ll never be happy unless she’s miserable and everyone else is made to suffer with her. She enjoys all the care and attention that she receives for being disabled.]
P212 – Other over signs: A history of drug or alcohol abuse [she’s been addicted to Valium, Morphine, and a host of other drugs over the years]; medical savvy [please note in the forms that she fills out, the patient survey, that she uses a lot of medical jargon]; a noticeable tendency to try to manipulate others [as in, anytime someone is doing something that doesn’t involve her directly, she tends to end up in the emergency room.]
P213 – Provoking a response.
This section speaks particularly to the most recent development of diseases / disorders in her arsenal: seizures. To quote, “Ailments such as epilepsy have found their way onto the list of diseases of choice for factitious disorder patients because they draw such swift responses from doctors and because signs can sometimes be difficult to prove as fraudulent. False seizures (pseudo-seizures) for instance, are often seen in factitious disorder patients, but not all false seizures are factitious. …It takes a keen and creative observer to distinguish which seizures are real.
MORE TO COME.
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| So, I get this phone call from the Cleveland Clinic dept of Social Services. Apparently the crazy one called to complain to them that she needed the help of the social services because of the following:
a) her daughter is refusing to pick up her prescriptions
b) her daughter is refusing to take her to her drs appointments
c) her daughter is refusing to let her join the church she wants to
Let's address the first situation: The prescriptions. I set up her prescriptions for the week in one of them "weekly pill minder boxes." - I set it up last Tuesday, for a week. Which puts the drugs in the box all the way until today. When I was doing that, I reminded her that she needed a refill on one of the prescriptions, as it was running out. There were still enough remaning for two extra days (besides the days in the box) taking it through Wednesday. Meaning there's still time to pick up the prescription. Oy. I did go to the pharmacy yesterday, but it was already closed. So it's not like I'm REFUSING to pick up her meds. I'm the one keeping them all up to date. Geeze.
Second situation: The Drs Appointments. Apparently she has two appointments scheduled next week. I didn't know about these until they called. How can I refuse to do something I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT???
Third situation: Church. She can go to whatever church she wants. Just don't expect me to go with - that's not my bag. She still hasn't even said which church she wants to go to, so it's not like she's even expressed a true "I need to go here" - so how can I have refused?
Oy.
Anyway. So I explained to the social worker the long story about my suspicions of her having Munchausens. His response? "Do you even know what that is? People use that word without knowing exactly what it means." So I proceeded to give him the definition as I know it, using all the fun words that apply, a la "Factitious Disorder" "Somatic Disorder" "generally thought to be brought on by childhood trauma", "multiple doctors", etc. And he just said, "Okay." He got that I do have a clue. And then I explained even further some of the lengths she'll go to get attention and some of the other situations.
I think he got it.
Her chart is now flagged for "Psychosomatic".
It's about freakin time.
All he could offer up is a few words of encouragement and suggested that I talk to her doctors (duh) and perhaps I could benefit from some counciling from a professional on how to deal with her.
Ugh. | | |
| I know I've kinda mentioned before that my mother is insane. And that I'm pretty sure she has Munchausen's. However, until today, I never really sat down and thought about what that all means and how I know. So I decided to do a list. The question was asked of me "did she do all this when you were a kid?" and my response:
I honestly don't remember if she did it when we were young - I know she was seeing a psych the whole time I was growing up.
I also know that I spent an inordinate amount of time in emergency rooms - you know, most people would just have an appointment for a uti (which I would get on occasion) - but no, she always had to take me to the emergency room. All three of us kids spent a lot of time in the hospital, but most of it was real, I'm sure. (I mean, you can't really cause Tom's Osteolymitis....)
But as soon as I was 13 or so, when she "broke her back" - all the hospital visits stopped for all three kids.
And since that first incident (broken back), she's been in and out of the hospital for a variety of ailments. Including the following:
back - surgery
back - surgery for implant of stim unit
back - surgery for removal of stim unit
back - more surgery for who knows what (5 more times) for problems not related to the first injury
heart - unspecified problems (when my brother was on trial she had a "heart attack" on the witness stand - right - the doctors couldn't find anything)
heart - unspecified problems - had "heart cath" 3 or more times - nothing found any incidence or causes
head - fell off a horse - supposedly knocked unconscious - life-flighted to hospital - diagnosis of concussion
head - "seizures" - diagnosed as "pseudo-seizures" by one doctor
head - "seizures" - non-epileptic, non-specific seizures - no known cause (she says it's because of the horse incident)
arm - small fracture of the wrist - which didn't heal properly because she wouldn't wear the splint.
Miscellaneous falls, seizures, mysterious allergies. Drug dependency.
When faced with a proper diagnosis, a la "bronchitis" - refusal to take medication to get better and/or sabotaging self to make it worse
Now this list doesn't include the many stints in the psych ward, the multiple 'accidental overdoses', etc. You would think that the doctors would've caught on by now. But no. If one doctor doesn't give her the attention she needs, she changes doctors, hospitals, etc.
It makes me very sad.
And I am now officially at my wits end.
Yesterday I received yet another phone call from her ex-boyfriend - she's been harrassing him for months - anyway. This time, the harrassment has stooped to new levels - she had her current boyfriend (whatever) call him. That's not so bad, you say. A little over the edge, but not too serious, right? Sure. Here's what the message said (transcribed as I heard it):
"Hi Art. This is Ed. I want to thank you for screwing MaryRae over. I've benefitted from it. We had sex in Cleveland Clinic bed. Just thought you should know."
First of all. Ugh. Didn't need to know that.
Second of all - she's now roped someone else into her depravity.
Third of all - this isn't the first time that Art has called me to complain about her.
Fourth - I did a little snooping into her email account just to see if there was any more evidence of her evil-ness. Guess what? Yep. There were emails in there from her to Art saying all kinds of nasty stuff.
She is a vile, despicable person.
I'm done.
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